It was that split second when I realized you were gone.

I couldn’t understand what was happening.

There you were, lying stiffly on the couch. Eyes shut, hands turning cold.

Hearing the ECG machine flatline broke my heart.

Seeing them drive you away to the mortuary felt surreal.

You did not say goodbye, take care, or I love you.

You just laid in the coffin, looking  handsome in your official  government attire.

As I sat next your feet, I cried and apologized for all my faults.

You did not say “It’s okay”  like you used to.

It was the moment  when we cremated you, that I finally realized  what was truly  happening.

I spent three months after your death in isolation. I went through the five signs of grief.

I DENIED your death.

Then, I was ANGRY because  you left me without saying goodbye.

I BARGAINED with God to take me with you.

I was DEPRESSED and lonely without you.

We are nearing your one-year  death anniversary  (19 December  1938 – 03 January  2020). I have finally  reached the final stage: ACCEPTANCE.

Rest in peace,  papa. Till we meet again in the eternal realm.

Happy birthday, love you forever.

Cover image by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash